Jen Clausing’s daughter, Jadyn, starts middle school in the fall. She can’t forget how she felt when Jadyn’s sister, Macy started there three years ago.
“It was like all of a sudden, she looked older, was acting older, and all of a sudden had the bigger responsibilities all within, seriously, two weeks. I remember just feeling completely overwhelmed," Jen said.
“There was one stage where everyone peaked, the bad things, and the stress, and that was middle school,” detailed Suniya Luthar, PhD, a psychology professor at Arizona State University.
Professor Luthar measured moms’ adjustment during their kid’s middle school years. They scored lower for life satisfaction and higher for stress, emptiness, guilt, and child negative behaviors than moms with kids of other ages. Luthar said moms are unprepared for all the changes.
Luthar explained, “Suddenly, this child morphs into this weird person who looks at you with distance and sometimes even dislike and scorn. That’s awfully hard.”
Luthar said moms need more support from family, friends, and support groups during and before the middle school years.
“Imagine what your kids need from you. That is what you need from other people, and that needs to be in place and that needs to be respected, prioritized, and sustained," Luthar said.
Jen was in one of Luthar’s Authentic Connections online support groups and feels the pieces will fit together better the second time around.
Luthar said husbands and partners can offer good support, but moms need a “sister network” as well. Her Authentic Connections program is 12-weeks of one-hour sessions. She runs the sessions either on video or sometimes in person. The website for more information is www.authenticconnectionsgroup.org.